Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
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i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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