Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
How external is "for external use only"?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
