You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize