if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
