I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
