I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
