I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
