you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
