have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
