i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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