He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize