He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
