he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
