Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
