If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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