idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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