yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Enjoy the penises
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
