You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!