You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
