We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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