All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
