allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize