Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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