i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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