yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
