he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize