She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
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why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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