Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
