Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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