my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Please don't give away my fajitas
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
