I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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