Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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