i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
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Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My vagina is officially offended.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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