we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
