How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
