you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
