Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
