I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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