"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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