sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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