you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
