my vag is so smooth its legendary
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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