im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
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He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
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Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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