Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
