and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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