fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
