Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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