wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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