we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
