if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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