I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
