I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
