do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
