I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize