I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just gargled with NyQuil
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
