I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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